I feel like I'm abusing/grooming my son. . .

Repulsive_Raise6728 · 2023-08-31T20:50:06+00:00

Former teacher here and 2 hours for a first grader is insane. The recommendations I always saw were 10 minutes per grade. So, for your kid, like 10 minutes of reading or writing or some easy math facts.

I would investigate if this is a school-wide thing, or a teacher thing. If it’s a school-wide thing, it’s likely that your son’s teacher knows how insane this is and can’t do anything about it because admin has decided that’s what’s going to make their school look good. Please don’t harass your child’s teacher if it’s school-wide. Go straight to the AHs that are implementing this policy.

dana-cole · 2023-08-31T21:01:10+00:00

As a first grader, he has one main teacher, right? Email the teacher and ASK how long they would like you to spend on each evening's assignments. What they think is REASONABLE.

I'd be willing to bet it's WELL under 2 hours.

So review the assignments, prioritize ones that focus on stuff your kid needs the most help with, do those until you hit the time limit (probably <20 minutes, I'd be willing to bet), and then ... stop.

Just let the rest of it GO.

And go play! :D

(PS - I teach high school, for what that's worth.)

Hedgehog_Capable · 2023-08-31T20:01:25+00:00

I'd recommend setting a hard limit on the amount of homework time. 30 minutes tops. Let the teacher know.

We know from studies that nearly all homework just isn't beneficial at that age. It can't be ignored later on, beneficial or not, but there's just no reason for it now. Breathe easier. You can still give him time for play.

No_Whereas_3380 · 2023-08-31T19:24:21+00:00

This is absolutely vomit inducing.

Let me be clear, I am in no way calling out OP. I am calling out the bullshit system that we are all a slave to. Look at how young they are breaking down the spirit these days in an effort to train humans to be slaves of the corporate overlords.

Makes me sick.

OP I feel for you, and I am sorry for your situation.

Visible_Number · 2023-08-31T19:14:30+00:00

home work for 6 year olds?!

AlternativeLook6531 · 2023-08-31T19:47:45+00:00

As a teacher, I wish I didn’t have to give homework. In my opinion, homework should just be what wasn’t finished at school but nothing more. However, in my experience parents get upset if I don’t give homework and some districts require it. I tell my parents the “homework” I send home is just meant as extra practice and not to stress it.

raithzero · 2023-08-31T20:51:01+00:00

As far as the reading goes. My wife and I found it easier to incorporate into bedtime routine. Just start that 15 minutes earlier and read to them or have them read to you before lights out.
The rest is ridiculous.

Shooppow · 2023-08-31T19:11:39+00:00

Homework doesn’t exist in my house, now. At one point, my special-needs son had so much homework each week that it was physically impossible for him to complete it. I decided years ago to put an end to that. His school life stays at school and his home life stays at home, and the two never cross. He’s a much happier person, now, and I don’t feel like stopping homework has harmed him at all.

Just flat out tell his teacher to cut the shit and that you’re not allowing homework at home. If school worked properly, children wouldn’t need to do homework.

_nousernamesleft_ · 2023-08-31T23:05:16+00:00

I can almost guarantee the teacher is not expecting a first grader to spend 2 hours on homework. If you haven't already, talk to the teacher and/or your sons pediatrician. While it is possible the teacher is out of touch, it is also possible that most students are spending significantly less time on homework and there is a reason why your son is taking longer. If this is the case, it would be helpful to determine that reason now and start taking steps to address it.

If there is no other factor impacting the length of time it takes for your son to complete his homework and the teacher really is just assigning too much there is nothing wrong with setting a timer at home and only doing some of it. I'm a high school teacher myself and when I assign hw I always give my students an idea of how long it should take and at what point they should move on with their life (ex: "This assignment should take you 20 minutes. If you spend a little longer than that no big deal but if you're still working at the 40 minute mark just stop and we'll go over it together next class.")

Hello_Gorgeous1985 · 2023-08-31T20:11:01+00:00

I don't consider reading to be homework, so if it's just reading I suggest you reframe it. Reading to him and with him Is good for his development across multiple fronts and it's good for your relationship. I'm a music teacher and I've worked in child care in different capacities over the years and I can always tell which kids parents read with them at home and which ones don't. They have better attention, span, better imagination, better vocabulary and so much more.

Just read to him every night. Have him follow along with the words on the page as you read, and gradually increase how much he reads to you. It could start with a single sentence.

Simply don't make it last 2 hours.

PrincessPeach1229 · 2023-08-31T20:40:17+00:00

I remember when kindergarten was half day’s. Why? Bc the attention span of a 5-6 year old is SHORT. And we mostly played all day, never had homework.

Sometime in the 90’s it switched to full day…not because kids needed it but bc parents could no longer afford to live on a single income and nobody was home to watch these kids half the day.

PaleInSanora · 2023-08-31T20:36:07+00:00

You may want to rephrase that statement to abusing/conditioning your son. Grooming these days has a sexual aspect to it, that you are clearly not trying to imply or infer in what you and your son are going through.

CJMande · 2023-08-31T20:43:08+00:00

Our school has a "10 minutes per grade" maximum homework. So K has 0 homework, 1st grade 10 minutes, 2 has 20 minutes, etc.

If the kid can't finish in that time frame, we sign the page saying they hit their time limit.

It's honestly a major factor in why we chose this district. My 6th grader rarely has more than 10 minutes, and my 10th grader is an hour or less a day. My second grader just has studying of vocabulary or spelling words.

Kids need time to relax and time to play. And knowledge that they have authority in their lives to separate school time and home time.

stump1010 · 2023-08-31T19:10:12+00:00

This is the way the system is designed unfortunately. Uncle sam and his donors want to grow obedient non thinkers to keep the greed train rolling. Those too tired to think are the ones too tired to fight back. I feel for your son, and what awaits him in the future. Same way i feel about my nieces and nephews. Perhaps homeschooling may be a better option?

lazyfucker67 · 2023-08-31T19:08:08+00:00

I understand where you're coming from, my 2 will never be subjected to it because it is I'm fact too much for them. Finish work they didn't do at school yes but extra work in top of that? No way.

nickrocs6 · 2023-08-31T21:38:46+00:00

My mom was talking about her friends kids having adhd and I said honestly I don’t think kids should be spending 8 hours a day sitting in class rooms. I even feel like I have adhd sometimes but I think it’s more the fact that no one should be sitting and working for 8 hours a day. This is not what humans were meant to do. She kind of just agreed, which was refreshing. I feel like since we’ve both gotten older she agrees with a lot of things that I say, I think before she was just surrounded by people who wouldn’t say anything against the norm.”

Laughtillicri · 2023-08-31T20:54:57+00:00

Am I the only one that doesn't see the point of homework?

Imagine if you got home from your job and you had to do more of your work.

Sounds like bullshit, doesn't it?

PerformanceRadiant · 2023-08-31T20:45:26+00:00

Reading is definitely a must and should be done every week day. You’d be surprised how many kids in my fourth/fifth grade class couldn’t pronounce simple words because their parents never made them read their homework booklets. But other than that, at six it’s not a big deal. To make it more fun, implement a reward system. For every correct answer he gets a star, when he gets ten stars he gets a piece of candy or something small. Or you could buy decorated flashcards to make it interesting so he’s not staring at a white paper with black ink. There are a lot of ways to make learning fun it’s just hard to find what specifically works for your kid Edit: Also, can you outline what homework he has that would take an adult thirty minutes? When I was six I had a little booklet to read every day at home and like 5 math problems and had to sing my parents the ABCs. I went to a top tier public school too so it wasn’t like I was in a place that didn’t care.

TheLostonline · 2023-08-31T20:51:30+00:00

No 6 year old should be bringing homework home after school.

FFS this world sucks.

East_Kaleidoscope995 · 2023-08-31T20:44:44+00:00

Reading with your child isn’t homework, it’s parenting.

Not-Sure112 · 2023-08-31T20:36:18+00:00

On a tour in Finland once, they said children don't start getting homework until around age 9. Sounds legit.

nikkinonsens3 · 2023-08-31T20:40:16+00:00

My daughter is also six in 1st grade and hasn’t had any homework. Just sent home workbooks they hadn’t gone through each month and suggested to do some on the unused pages of wanted. She reads perfectly and is average when she was tested for her reading and writing. Wtf is this system. I feel sorry for the other kids who are forced to do that bullshit.

bopperbopper · 2023-08-31T20:43:46+00:00

1) keep reading to him.

2) take him to the library. Let him check out whatever he wants.

3) Work on homework, but like others say no more than 30 minutes

4) Talk to the teacher about how long the homework should take

5) We do have to practice things to get better at it and maybe he needs to practice his math or writing

TheDiscoGestapo2 · 2023-08-31T20:59:29+00:00

Got to start early conditioning those future little slaves! Seriously tho, I’m sorry to hear this. Perhaps look into how to break the modern day slavery ring cycle. Success in school isn’t everything. Social & Vocational skills are probably more important. Encourage interests outside the box.

FrogFlavor · 2023-08-31T21:46:34+00:00

I trained to be a teacher and I can tell you emphatically and with no reservation that kids in elementary school SHOULD NOT DO HOMEWORK. It shouldn’t even be assigned. Tell the teacher your kid is not doing homework and you expect their grade to not be affected. Even if their grades are affected, that should have zero bearing on their advancement to the next grade.

Most children can learn to read at their parents knee, and can learn math and literary skills by playing games.

Take those two hours and do kitchen experiments, art projects, go for walks and discuss the world around you, talk about your feelings and experiences with each other, do chores like shopping and cleaning together. That is how you raise a child to be confident, curious, and knowledgeable.

My nieces are being raised this way and they are awesome. I have met a lot of kids. Kids who do homework are not smarter or more knowledgeable than those who don’t. INVOLVED PARENTS = kids operating at their potential. Making your kid do homework they’re not benefiting from doesn’t make you involved, it makes you an authoritarian.

If your kid is struggling with a certain area they will tell you about their frustrations and you can work on that thing together. If they mostly understand what they are learning, at a normal pace, then just leave schoolwork to school hours.

Life is short. Enjoy your kids. Let them enjoy their after school time and weekends.

bubbamike1 · 2023-08-31T22:56:08+00:00

It's called The Factory School System because it trains obedient workers.

makerblue · 2023-08-31T19:55:13+00:00

I don't make my 2nd grader do homework. My other kids are older but i didn't make them do it in the younger grades. I offer homework time, we do reading time at bedtime but i do not force homework/worksheets in the younger grades. If my youngest is having a bad day, is tired, cranky or just not having it, i don't push. I'm upfront with their teachers as well about it. I will not spend what little time i have at the end of day trying to get a 7 year old to do homework when I'm trying to do dinner and bathes and everything else.

With my older kids this worked out fine, they do their homework/projects without a problem in the older grades. None of them ever fell behind.

I just think it's too much for them when they are that young.

gourdeonkeek · 2023-08-31T22:48:41+00:00

Okay, can we not use the term "grooming" in this context please? For fucks sake

MangyCalf · 2023-08-31T20:51:54+00:00

No counter opinion from me, it sounds like child abuse. Act on you regret somehow, for sure, it's systemic, it's an abuse culture, you are light years beyond the folks who have internalized capitalism to the stage of glorifying this shit (which is a rampant attitude still despite all the evidence, hustle and grind is real but that is different than good or meaningful).

PurpleDancer · 2023-08-31T20:55:29+00:00

6-year-olds should not be doing homework or not more than just a few minutes.

logri · 2023-08-31T21:03:03+00:00

A 6yo should not have any homework. NO ONE should have two fucking hours of homework, at any level of school or work at all. Homework is, was, and always will be bullshit.

Pimpachu3 · 2023-08-31T20:44:47+00:00

What kind of a school gives out two hours worth of homework? I am in college full time and I barely do one hour.

Tasty_Needleworker13 · 2023-08-31T22:56:12+00:00

Push back. I refused to make my kids do homework until they got to like 4th grade and even then it was only what was absolutely necessary.

Capital_Airport_4988 · 2023-08-31T23:03:41+00:00

You’re not alone, my son graduated college and I’m trying to help him get a full time job with his degree. And all I can think about is, I’ve created another sucker to slave away I for the benefit of capitalism. I don’t want that for him. I want so bad for him to have better. And I don’t know how to give that to him.

damarafl · 2023-08-31T23:09:20+00:00

My son is in first grade and his school has a “no homework” policy. He is still required to read 15-20 minutes every night by his teacher.

I have a reading tutor come twice a week for an hour because he is struggling (has some learning disabilities) and needs more help.

We are currently on a break from tutoring because the tutor and I agreed we’re pushing him a lot and he needs a little break to get acclimated to new school year.

Listen to your gut. They need to learn but pushing them to hard only creates resentment.

Im_Ashe_Man · 2023-08-31T23:35:26+00:00

Don't spend 2 hours doing homework. Spend 30 minutes. Turn in what he has finished and tell his teacher it's just too much. He's a first grader! I'm a teacher giving you this advice, btw.

Business-Public3580 · 2023-08-31T23:55:21+00:00

In elementary school and at every other level, homework should not happen. Several studies show that it has no positive effect on grades or performance. Tell them no.

IzarkKiaTarj · 2023-09-01T01:25:05+00:00

Okay, you are aware that grooming is a word used almost exclusively in a sexual context, right? Because your title was extremely concerning.

Loofa_of_Doom · 2023-08-31T20:25:13+00:00

The insight you've come to is one of the major reasons I chose not to reproduce. I wish you well. Creating, caring for and turning a small human being into a larger, happy human being is amazingly hard.

MoneyBags5200 · 2023-08-31T21:49:05+00:00

I’m not sure “grooming” is anywhere near the correct term to use for this

BetweenTwoInfinites · 2023-08-31T20:05:47+00:00

Maybe just don’t do two hours of homework every night. You have to know other parents aren’t spending this much time on homework. Also, you should talk to his teacher(s).

sixinthebed · 2023-08-31T20:52:44+00:00

I don’t think I could send my kid to school that thinks 2 hours of homework for a 6 year old is okay. I’d be looking at other options

Fast_Bill8955 · 2023-08-31T19:32:19+00:00

So don't make him do his homework. Problem solved.

MyBeesAreAssholes · 2023-08-31T21:05:16+00:00

You do not understand what “grooming” is so stop using that term. NOW. Grooming is engaging in behaviors to gain a child’s trust, only to use that trust to sexually abuse them.

thededucers · 2023-08-31T22:34:11+00:00

Tell the teacher you’re not doing homework. He’s 6. They need a chance to be a 6 year old and 6 year old things

Dpickles230 · 2023-08-31T22:42:00+00:00

TLDR: we got a teacher fired for this exact same thing. I had a teacher like this in high school. He told us our homework should only ever take us 30 minutes tops, but it would often take me an hour or 2 to get it completed to her standards. I thought it was because of my ADHD. I was talking to my friend (one of which happened to be valedictorian) and he was complaining how it would often take him the same of amount of time. Turns out patter asking our entire class (we only had 50 some odd kids) it would take them anywhere between an hour to 3. We ended up getting the teacher fired and the administration set new rules on how much homework could be assigned per class. Society is a soul crushing and machine like process that chews people up and spits them out. The best thing I can say is to make sure he has time to be a kid

punkskunkk22 · 2023-08-31T22:47:43+00:00

You sound dramatic.

Army-Royal · 2023-08-31T23:02:33+00:00

Tell the teacher he isn’t doing any more home work, period.

axilidade · 2023-08-31T23:33:15+00:00

on the bright side, what a wonderful parent this child has. OP you're commendable

TheEldestChuckle · 2023-08-31T23:55:24+00:00

My 2nd grade teacher was aghast when my mom mentioned I was taking so long to do homework. Like, in a good way. The other parents didn’t speak up.

Teacher basically cut homework into less than a third of what it was.

Mand125 · 2023-09-01T00:24:31+00:00

Homework is conditioning to get people to accept unpaid overtime.

No-Cloud-1928 · 2023-09-01T00:32:38+00:00

If this is the US you have a right as a parent to opt out of homework. Studies have shown it only disincentives children at this age.

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/281769514_Homework_and_Family_Stress_With_Consideration_of_Parents'_Self_Confidence_Educational_Level_and_Cultural_Background

https://news.stanford.edu/2014/03/10/too-much-homework-031014/

Icy-Adhesiveness898 · 2023-09-01T00:33:18+00:00

Isn’t there almost no evidence that homework is useful before junior high?

Admirable-Raisin5013 · 2023-09-01T00:54:03+00:00

My son is 22 now. But when he reached 3rd grade, I'd pick him up at 3:15. We'd get home about 3:30. Then I gave him a snack while he had down time. He'd watch tv, play with toys or outside, or play video games. Then at 4:30 it was time to do homework. We'd do it until it was time to eat around 6pm. Then we'd do more. Some nights we were doing school work until 10pm. He'd have so much homework. Not just practice spelling, a work sheet here and there, or read a book. But like 8 work sheets, a project, reading, writing sentences, etc. It would take at least 3 hours up to 5 hours every single day.

He hated school, he hated school work, he'd wake up crying almost every morning not wanting to go to school. This went on until 2 weeks into 6th grade. A teacher said he should do a project on something or another and he flippantly said I'd rather kill myself than do that. He was sent to the principals office to which I was called in. They said he wasn't allowed back at school until he did 2 sessions with a therapist and get a note from them saying he wasn't suicidal. This was back in 2012-2013 something like that. After calling dozens of psychologist I finally got an appointment for 2 weeks later. The school wasn't happy about him missing 2 weeks. That was just for 1 appointment, they said he had to have 2. They called me on day 11 of no school and told me if he wasn't there tomorrow they were going to send the cops & I was going to go to jail & get a fine. I asked if he was allowed back with no note. They said no he still had to bring a note tomorrow. I hung up on her. Then googled homes chool, online school, etc.

I found our states approved online public school from K12. I called them and told them what's been going on with his school & the past couple of years. The person on the phone gave me their direct number & fax number. He told me to go to the school get his transcripts, personal items, & withdraw him from the school. Then go to the library & fax over the transcript and personal info like birth certificate, shot records etc. He was enrolled the next day. 4 days later all his school supplies showed up. He went to that online school from 6th grade until he graded high school in 2019. It was the best decision I ever made with him. IDK how they work now, but at the time it was work at your own pace. You could do school work for 10 hours a day & not do any school work for 3 days if you wanted. You got 7 classes and access to everything. There would be a calendar for each class with a timeline of when certain tests, projects, reports, etc should be completed by to stay on track. Tho ofc you didn't have to follow it. For instance math was harder for him so it would take him the whole semester to do all the work. But say for instance electives were easy for him, and he'd have the whole semesters worth of work done in a week or two, including projects.

I remember one year he had math, history, science, english, health, Spanish 1, & art. He had all of health class done in 4 days, art done in 6 days, Spanish in 2 weeks, history in a month. Then he spent the other 3 months just working on math, science, and english. The first month he spent 8 to 10 hours a day doing school work, then the following 3 months he spent maybe 2 hours a day. If he was stuck & didn't understand he'd come to me, if I also couldn't figure it out we could video call, email, or call the teacher up until 6pm mon-fri, but you can email at anytime. We had teachers emailing us back at like 1am on a Saturday night helping. Each subject did have live class time for an hour twice a week. Science and math were really the only live classes he attended because those teachers would teach and actually do the assignment/test live with them. So he rarely skipped ahead in those lessons. His mental health improved so much.

As he got older into his teens I let him stay up however late he wanted and sleep for however long he wanted. Sometimes he'd go to bed at 4am & wake up 2pm. Wake up, eat, do school work until 4, then go hang out with friends, come home eat again, maybe do some more school work, watch tv, play video games etc. We also did life lesson type of things. Like hands on learning on how to be an adult. (things I wished I had been taught) How to cook things, how to budget, how to meal plan, cleaning routines, reading food labels, change a tire, car maintenance, house repairs, garden, etc. Things that aren't normally taught at school & you never really have time to properly teach these things, so they grow up wanting to move out but don't really know how to adult.

He moved out at 19, he's 22 now, has a great career, lives in a nice house(rents a 3 bedroom house with 2 roommate), has a new car, travels a lot, going on adventures (hiking, scuba diving, caving, climbing etc), puts 25% of his earnings into savings. He's the most well adjusted 22 year old I know. Shit I'm 37 & still not as put together, especially financially lol. All this to say, sometimes a brick & mortar school isn't for everyone. As you can tell from my post I'm not the most educated person either, but we still made doing school work at home possible. You don't have to home school, there have been online public schools for over a decade. They have the lesson plans already done for you & the teachers to teach them, the only thing you have to do is be on top of them making sure they are doing their school work & if they are having trouble make sure they ask for help from the teachers. If they are mature/old enough you can still work, you don't need to sit there and hold their hand or be over their shoulder while they do it. They mail you all the books & supplies (including everything you need for each project from jump rope for gym or clay for art) for free. If you are low income like we were they even send you a laptop, printer, & pay a portion of your internet if not all of it.. again all completely free.

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